But you don't have to take my word for it...

So, this has nothing to do with being a LazyE today, mostly because I'm super sad. The PBS staple Reading Rainbow airs for the final time today after a 26 year run.



Even though there haven't been any new episodes filmed since 2006, reruns have continued to teach children that reading is awesome and that you'll never forget that damned song as long as you live.

I watched this show EVERY SINGLE DAY for years and years and absolutely loved LeVar Burton. I would go to the library and read the books suggested on the show even when I was an older child, because he never suggested crap. He was like, my childhood reading hero. Shit, he even did a Reading Rainbow show about Star Trek: The Next Generation (Gates McFadden is so hot) where he played the be-VISOR'd Lt. Commander Geordi LaForge. How cool was that?!

Check out some of the names on this list of contributors to the show. That's no joke. It's always sad when a show that was so influential in your childhood, and the childhood of so many others, stops being produced, but surely someone will see the importance of keeping this show on the air in reruns?



Hey LeVar, thanks for teaching me and countless other children in the 80s, 90s and beyond to love books. Thanks for teaching me about equality, theater, prison, love, race, poverty, family and humanity. Thanks for touching my life and opening up new worlds for me.

I'll see you next time...

I just ordered a Lexus made of ground up Rolexes

You wanna know why? Well, we've only been riding this train for about a week now, seriously anyway, and we already have some good news for the like three of you who are actually going to read this: We've got payment proof. Oh, that's right, friends, there's money in the old PayPal account again. So what if it's $3.06? I've gotta start my Hot Dog Cart business somewhere. How else will I get to go to fancy parties in tuxedos and make people wonder if I'm a drug-dealing-money-launderer?

First up is a site called Dollar Surveys. This site is actually kinda fun in that there's no sign-up, no account, no referrals, no spam. You just throw your PayPal email into the space provided and they give you a survey. If you qualify and complete it, they give you a dollar. AND THEY ACTUALLY DO!

See that? That's 2 dollars. Count 'em. If I had 98 more dollars, I'd have A HUNDRED DOLLARS

That's two payments of $1 each from completing surveys for their website. And believe it or not, some of the surveys don't suck! Sometimes they do, but sometimes they don't! Maybe you're familiar with a little delicacy some know as "Pot Pies"? You probably remember...flaky burnt top-crust, bone-melting gravy creating a moat around a frozen chunk of turkey fat and peas, contained by a doughy bottom crust and a mini pie-tin? Only take about 30-40 hours to cook in a 500 degree oven? In other words, de-lish. Well, you can thank me next time you see a NEW pot pie flavor (which I'm not allowed to divulge because apparently pot pie is super-secret-serious with these people). Don't worry, I chose well. You guys like tripe, right? Don't click that.

Enlarged to show detail: 'Turkey' is not huge and veiny (actually quite small and veiny)

Another great site I found which has already paid me, and I just joined Wednesday night, is called YouData. Trust me, do this one. If you sign up and view their ads, next Friday you will have a PayPal payment from them. I can't tell you that you'll make tons of cash, but this site is so easy, and actually does have cool advertisements instead of the usual make money bullshit scams you see.

I could buy freedom with that and have change left over. Although getting it on a mug would inexplicably cost $20.

Just follow this link: YouData and fill out your profile to start viewing ads. Do it. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for America.

So, two proven sites: Dollar Surveys and YouData with the potential to make you an extra $30 a month if you're tenacious and go after it. Shit, what else are you going to do while you sit around watching hulu all damned night?

The most important post you will ever read, anywhere, by anyone, for any reason

I'm going to change your life in a few minutes. You'll start reading this post feeling like today is just another regular day. You probably went to work, ate a boring lunch, went home, ate a boring dinner...you know, just cruising along. Ok, there's a small chance that you are running for your life from a huge bear who has been genetically engineered to be intelligent, and also has some kind of infectious disease. You may be on your hands and knees behind a dumpster desperately looking for bear-survival-strategies on your iPhone when you hit on this site (I'm tagging this post as How To Defeat Bears just to snag this potentially lost demographic).

Like this, only the bear also has that disease from Outbreak what killed all those Monkeys and People

Regardless of what bear-related activities you may be engaged in, I stand by my earlier claim. I'm still going to change your life. Hell, every single one of my days is way awesomer than average (both ursine and non-ursine averages, of course), and it completely rocked me to my core.

But first, a little of the mundane details that used to be what this blog is all about. The website is called bux.to. It's a basic PTC site that follows the standard model. Look at ads. Make pennies. The difference is that bux.to has lots of ads that you can view repeatedly and still get credited for. They also have a high pay rate, when you consider the number of clicks you can get. Sound too good to be true? Yeah, it probably is. The scuttle around the web appears to be that payment takes forever and a day, if they even pay out. Sarz and I are both trying it out, so stay tuned for the official condemnation at a later date...but for now, I can't really recommend this one all that strongly as a money making resource.

However, Bux.to had an ad that made me forget all that! It doesn't matter at all! Ladies and gentlemen, the world is changing. Why do I care about websites when what I'm about to tell you makes the internet useless? Why should I care about mere pennies when what I'm about to talk about could make you ONE HUNDRED BILLION dollars a year?

Maybe not that much. Like, totally a lot though.

Are you ready? I don't think I can stall anymore. I'm so excited. Ok....What's your favorite food? Hot dogs, right? If you said anything other than hot dogs you are so full of it. Hotdogcartprofits.com is the well chosen name of the provider of our new way of life. The first line is a real grabber: ATTENTION: If You have a hot dog cart business or you are about to start one this may be the most valuable letter you will ever read...

And that's it. That's the hook right there. See, I'll admit--I don't have a hot dog cart business. Until I read this, I had never in my life considered starting one. I, probably like you, believed that hot dog cart-ery wasn't a profession so much as the end result of a life full of misadventure and mistakes. I foolishly thought that hot-dog-cartsmen were small minded and bitter, grimly trying to scrape by. How wrong I was, and how wrong you are! Hot dog cart craft is a noble endeavor, pursued by honorable and jolly men! They make up a bustling community of boiled 'meat' men (and maybe women) who attempt to carry on beautiful traditions from a purer golden age. Look at this picture!

Remember His Motto: Nobody Has EVER Went Broke Selling Hotdogs!

So, while I don't technically meet the criteria for the ad, I couldn't tear my eyes away. Look at that picture! I have a Master's degree, and I have never been that happy. That guy is holding what is presumably a hot dog and radiating the purest joy I have ever seen on a human face. Look closer...do you notice that he's not eating that hot dog? No, what has filled his heart with greasy happiness is much more important that merely eating it (even though 18 billion people eat 60 of them a year...or maybe 60 people eat enough hotdogs for every man woman and child in America...the statistics presented on HDC$ are confusing)! The man above is so filled with radiant intense pleasure because he is giving that hot dog to you! Well, presumed hot dog.

Alternate view of above image.

I'm sold already, and I've only read the first 2 paragraphs of the site. I'm so insanely ebullient that all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is hot dogs. I had hot dogs for brekkie. Hot dogs for lunch. For dinner? YOU BET YOUR BUNS I ATE HOT DOGS! God, I wish that wasn't true. Anyway, the more I read on the site, the more I felt that I had made the right decision. Hot Dogs are cheap, easy, make you infinite money, cause no stress, promote harmony, require no education, create joy, have a 12, 000% ROI, psychologically manipulate others, buy you a car, and are guaranteed. All of these are actual things that hot dogs do. I'm not making it up, I read it right off of HDC$, which means it came right out of the mouth of Perry, "The Hot Dog Guy".

Mommy, does Heaven have an address?

I think Perry says it best: "I've got lawyer friends of mine that make a $100,000 to $150,000 a year and some of them are a lot less than that. We go to these big fancy parties, and I go to parties with black ties and I take my wife out in fancy dresses and I drive a Cadillac when I'm not working. I live in a nice neighborhood and everybody wonders really what I do. Because when I tell them that I'm a hot dog vendor I know they think I'm lying to them. They probably think I'm some sort of crazed drug dealer or a money launderer that does something else, but it's just not true."

See! He's not a drug dealer at all! He just sells hot dogs. And it could be you! You could be friends with rich jerks (although some of them are a lot less than that) who think you are a crime boss and still go to fancy parties with black ties! Admit it, your life is crap compared to this. Your friends? Stupid. Your family? Probably poor.

First DVD: Buying or Starting a hot dog cart business. Second DVD: ???. Third DVD: Profit!

All of that can be yours for only $97. That's practically free. Perry says that he could easily charge $297 for this kit. You know why he doesn't? Because he wants to help you. He's manically grinning while he passes you the hot dog of opportunity. He charges 97$ because he wants Winners. Real Doers. Well, I don't know about you...but I'm a winner. I want to learn how to make "Hot Dogs and Treats So Good They'll Make Your Tongue Slap You're Brains Out". I need to get a piece of the 2 billion hot dogs sold from hot dog cart businesses every year.

And friends, I want you do come with me.

.view .click .probablyascam

It's all about the pennies, Jamz.

So, let's talk about some reportedly legitimate sites out there. My fastidious research (hey, I Googled them both, even clicked a link or two) showed that both Hits4Pay and Deals-N-Cash are about as solid as they come in the PTC world. They're sister sites and both work on the "click emails, wait x seconds, get money" premise. Hay, that sounds easy! It is. Especially if you're using Firefox. More on that later.

You can find numerous "payment proofs", especially from H4P, as I will hip-ly call it from now on. Like we're buds, me and H4P. But, yeah, there's always a catch. In order to collect your sweet munz, you have to reach the seemingly unattainable payout minimum of $25. Now, keep in mind you're getting $.02 (sometimes $.03 even!) an email here and that means you're gonna be clicking like 1200 of these things.

"NBD!", you shout, making grabby hands at me while I try to bat you away from my computer. Well, it is kind of a BD. You see, it's not like these emails just fall on you all at once like epennies from heaven, they're painstakingly doled out to you a few at a time over the weeks.

Sometimes, days look like this:



Which is awesome! I made $.54, although I can see that SOMEONE in my downline didn't click their emailz that day, costing both them and myself precious pennies. I wonder who that was. THERE ARE ONLY TWO OF YOU.

And sometimes they look like this:

Oh boy, yeah. That's crap right there.

Fortunately, at least for me, most of my days end up being more like that first picture up there. Except Sundays. I can't blame them though, I'm too lazy to click on a Sunday anyway, so I can't fault them for not sending them out.

Speaking of being lazy, have I mentioned how easy both Deals-N-Cash and Hits4Pay actually are? Seriously, you'd only have to explain it to grandma like 10 times, then write it down for her twice. IT'S THAT SIMPLE. You can open each of the sites they send you in a new tab, because you're using Firefox like anyone who's not completely lame would be, and go do your own thing while they tick down. I like to use the time to check out this blog.

When they're finished advertising to the back of your browser, take a peek and see if the top of the page says you've earned $.02. Have you? Yes? Then close it. You're done. No? Let it sit for a few more seconds, maybe your connection sucks. It takes me all of a minute to check both sites every day. Sometimes I make some munz, sometimes I make very little munz.

Remember how I said you have to make $25 with H4P before you can cash out? Well, it's not quite as bad as it sounds, they give you the first $10 just for signing up, so really, you only have to make $15 to cash out the first time.

This doesn't seem too bad, especially if you can get a few reliable referrals under you. Reliable meaning people who actually want to click emails once a day and make some munz with you. H4P actually has a three tier system that allows you to get paid for your direct referrals ($.01), and anyone your direct referrals refer(another $.01). So if you manage to get a bunch of people under you all clicking madly night and day, you can bank some decent cash.

Look at that $20 spot! It could be yours if pixel hand doesn't get there first! What are you waiting for!?

Deals-N-Cash is a little harder on you. Their sign-up bonus is a paltry $5 and you have to make it all the way to $30 for your first cash out opportunity. They also employ a two-tier referral system, but you get the same amount of money for your referral clicks as you do for clicking yourself. They're still the same legitimate company, though...in fact, the sites are identical. It's like someone did a find/replace with the H4P site and just stuck DNC in there in it's place. That doesn't bother me, it really just makes it easier to navigate. Who has time for basic reading and recognition skills when there are all these pennies to be made?

Now That's A Banner. Money is practically shooting out of it into your pocket.

The one thing I can see that really gets people up in arms is that they ask for a social security number for tax identification purposes in order for you to actually be paid from their site. A lot of Internet hooligans are going nuts on message boards about this, but really, I feel it kind of gives them a little bit of respectability. In the FAQ section of the site it says this:

Why do I have to give my tax information?

At the end of the year we will send out a 10-99 form to all members who have received a check from us. Hence, in order for us to issue you a check we need to have your tax information on file.

Basically, anyone who makes over $600 from a source has to report it, and people can and do make that kind of money from these sites. They're covering their asses, pretty much. And, you don't even have to put your tax info in right away. It only becomes an issue if you want to cash out and it's not there, so if you're getting close and think you might want to collect from them anytime soon, do it. If not, don't. No skin off their backs.

Ok, so nobody's gonna become a rich playboy clicking emails for $.02 a pop, but if you've got a few minutes to dedicate to it every day you might make enough to keep yourself in Krispy Kreme Kheeseburgers and Ramune for the month.

GetDailyPaid? I'm guessing....not.

So, with a promising name like GetDailyPaid.com, how could things not be awesome? The website is a lot different than the others I've seen thus far. Instead of smooth colors and a billion ad links everywhere, you have a simple layout with a bizarre orange graphic.

Apparently you gun your way to fortunes? I dunno.

So, having received my referral link from Sarz (she's constantly with these), I hit up the website and tried to figure out what the hell was going on. If this:

We pay you 12% of your membership level to surf 12 sites for 12 days giving you a 144% return for surfing. You MUST surf to get paid everyday. Surf payouts are instant for PAID members ONLY. Free members will earn to account balance. Max membership level $12,000.

makes any sense to you, you're smarter than me. Muddling through it some, I think I figured it out. See, most click-to-pay (or whatever you want to call it) sites work like this: Advertisers pay the website. The website sells them so many page-views of advertising. The website then pays you one or two pennies to view the ad. Everybody wins. Well, advertising in general still doesn't make any sense to me, but it's not really any different than any other kind.

Ok, seems simple right? Now forget all that, because that's not what GDP does. After my exhaustive research into the subject (I clicked around on the page for like 3 minutes, tops), it seems to work like this: You buy a 'unit' from Tim. This 'unit' can be any amount of money from 12.00 to 12,000.00. Then, you go to GDP.com for 12 days in a row, and surf 12 ads. The surfing-engine-dingus is actually kind of nice, no clicking or even attention necessary. You just click go and let it go for the however many minutes it takes. Except that for some reason, it doesn't say 12 adds, it says 6 credits (with each ad being worth .5 credits). Why? Well, the answer is simple. I think Tim is insane, and even worse foreign. But more on that later.

So, for each day you get your 6 credits, Tim 'pays' you 12% of your investment. So, after 12 days, you will have made the promised 144% of your investment. The promise of the site is that the payout is instant, as long as you surf every day. If you don't, I'm not sure what happens. It may be that you lose out on payment for that day, and must surf another day to make up for it. It may be that you lose out on payment for that day period and you're down to a 136% total return. It may be that he stops paying you entirely from then on. I think Tim is nuts (more on that later, I said), so it may mean that he comes to your house and fills your mailbox up with bananas and fire.

I have some immediate problems with this whole thing. I'll sum up:

A) Where does the magic money come from? I get normal pay per click sites. It makes sense to me. How does this work? How can he randomly take my money, then automatically turn it into more money in 12 days? It looks like people buy ads from him. And then people buy 'units' from him. So he has a lot of money now, but how can he turn any amount of money into more money? It vexes me.

B) What the hell is up with his site? Why is everything in twelves? Why have 6 credits worth a half each? Why does every thing Tim writes come out looking like total gibberish? Under 'Recent News', Tim posted the following today:

I AM NOT SURE HOW STP IS WORKING I TRY MAKE A PAYOUT AND GOES TO ERROR PAGE SO NOT WORKING 100% YET SOMEONE DID UPGRADE TODAY USING IT SO I GUESS WE ARE MAKING HEADWAY, YOU MIGHT AS WELL TRY IT FOR UPGRADING AS WELL.

Wait, what? You aren't sure how the service you're using to pay your customers is working (and it's actually...um...not, I guess?), but since you're still getting money, I might as well try to give you more?

C) Which brings me to the next bit...If you want me to spend my money....Why make it so hard? In order to pay you, and in turn get paid, I have to sign up for 'LibertyReserve' or 'AlertPay' or 'SolidTrustPay'. These are apparently online banks? That I've never heard of. So, in order to give you money...I sign up for a bank I've never heard of, and then give them money. Then you give my money back to them, and I have to try to get it from them?

D) Natural tie in to my third point. Tim, buddy. Why are you crazy? I'm going to just raw-dump some of the emails I've gotten from Tim since I joined, as I think they're hilarious enough standing alone:

Any member who would like to compound there balances please send a support ticket requesting that, this will save everyone fees. Also anyone who has a Alertpay balance and upgrades 20% using liberty reserve or solid trust pay I will also compound your alertpay balances. I will only allow this for next 5 days after that the alertpay accounts will be deleted.Tim

Members this is the final 4 days of alertpay issues after this no more. You upgrade 20% of the alertpay losses and I upgrade your account the full 100% theres 4 days left. I want clarify that I sent my true identity to alertpay regardless what they are saying. UPGRADE TODAY 24.00 get 4 free referrals and 5000 credits, 2x for LR.Tim

Today get 3 free referrals for any 24.00 upgrade and 1000 credits. Solid trust pay is still offline and I would hope they get back online soon they keep telling me there techs are working on it. Liberty Reserve is online and you new members join in ang earn some instant cash. Tim

How would you like use paypal? I will only be able to accept paypal for purchases in other words you will be paid a rebate back after 12 days in memo line you must put for ad purchases only. send to XXXXX@yahoo.com then send me a copy of your purchase and I will update your account. You can be paid by STP or LR as well. Timothy

You that disbelieved in my statement about the alertpay issue with my identity, I ask you this how can I be a verified Paypal member and STP but alertpay says my real is not me? You think about it and you realize alertpay scammed everyone. 24 upgrade today gets 2 free referrals and a 2500 credits upon request. Tim

So, not only have you invented some kind of new weasel-language that I've never seen before...You're sending emails addressed to the informal 'you'...to your entire email list? I didn't doubt you Tim, I promise. But you're arguing with your own 'customers', here.

I like Tim. There's just something about someone who is so obviously crazy that makes me want to trust him with my money. I'm on a 'free account', which means my account earns as though it has 10 dollars in it (which I don't ever get). I get paid $.12 to surf my 12 ads every day (which gets paid to my 'account balance'). From the crazy-grams above and on the site, it appears that I won't get any payments without buying a 'unit'. I've seen nothing that says that my account 'balance' will ever be paid to me, regardless of what I do. I'm totally intrigued though. I'm going to check out LibertyReserve tomorrow and see what the story is. I'm totally going to 'ang earn' some cash.

You see why I love Tim? Not only does his banner look like a drugstore circa 1994; it's also full of that crazy Timlish I adore so much!

Welcome to the Jungle

In the days of yore, when the net was young, it was like an idyllic wilderness. Wherever you washed up, you had a good chance of it being populated by fellow enterprising frontiersmen (and not women, let's be honest). People that you could look in the eye, and shake by the hand. People you may not agree with, but could respect for being kindred spirits. Ok, that's mostly crap. It was full of tech nerds and social maladjusts looking for porn.

The point is that times have changed. The internet has become civilized. No more is it the bastion of the young male waiting for whole minutes at a time for his carefully crafted witty commentary to successfully post to the firefly (and I don't mean the show...other old timers surely remember spending many hours perusing the latest chatertainment available on The Fly) chatroom. Instead, the internet is now a place for your mom to post a brownie recipe. A place for your grandmother to read steamy Rockford Files fanfic. A place for your dad to research his bizarre dream of being a professional amateur Crappie fisherman.

While the verdant fields and sparkling lakes of the net may be gone forever, the jungle remains. It has become a kind of urban jungle (ruthlessly over-extending the analogy!). The kind of place where strange people will sell you sparkling things. Where ladies of lapsed virtue will offer delights that you never knew existed but can't lust without. As a seasoned internet vet, I know well enough to avoid this kind of thing. After all, it could be dangerous. It could be a scam. Unethical Romanians (not to pick on Romania, but when my identity was actually stolen, it was by Romanians) could be poised in the wings, just waiting to abscond with my identity!

And I was perfectly content to do so. I liked my safe browsing along the approved and secure tubes of the internet. However, when Sarz was pitching this blog idea to me, it caused me to hearken back to the old days. I realized what I had become. I'd gone from crushing along to the Metal of the internet to softly bopping my head to the internet equivalent of Soft and Easy Jazz.

Well, no more! Time to pack my bags, grab the elephant gun, and load up for bear. Time to explore the world of Snake Oil and Health Tonic that is the 'Make Money Doing Nothing' section of the internet. As Sarz says in her post, we're gonna run the gamut. We're giving our our precious email addresses all over the internet. We're field testing any page that passes our stringent 'Well, it looks ok' testing of legitimacy. Do they pay? When? How much, how often? Are they filling my inbox with spam? Am I getting loaded with malware, spyware, viruses, poison, xrays, cancer, doublecancer, or herpes? Can I really stare at lolcats while heaven showers me with free pennies?

Stick around and you'll find out. What's more, should we manage to find any good stuff in this river of dross, we'll pass the word along.

Indiana Jamz and the Temple of Sarz

Oh, that's right, we're on an adventure. An adventure in munz. That's free Internet money in case your inside slang is a little rusty. Don't worry, you'll learn the lingo in time.

"So what's this about?" you may be asking yourself. Bully question, indeed. You see, I was dinking around on a forum I frequent a while ago and noticed someone had a new banner ad in their forum signature. I'm, like, super observant and drawn to bright colors, so I read what it had to say.

GET PAID TO COMPLETE FREE OFFERS the banner exclaimed. MAKE MONEY FROM HOME!

Hold the phone, free offers? I love those. Make money to do something I already really, really love? This sounds too amazing to be true! I'm gonna be amazingly rich! Without even moving from this spot! I'll build an empire of gold and laugh down at all of you from my throne of riches!

Or it could be a scam.

Well, come to find out this offer is not a scam, per se, it did turn out to be a really shady deal. Yeah, they pay you a couple bucks to complete free offers, but what they don't tell you is that you have to sign up for 'free trials' using your credit card. And you have to remain in the trial for a pre-determined amount of time. Then guess what happens? That's right, you're so busy drooling over that collectible Deanna Troi head mug that you're going to buy with all this amazingly easy to obtain money that you forget to cancel the trial offer. Sorry, Counselor, now you have to wait for another day because super-genius here has a book club subscription for all the Bodice-ripping romance novels published since 1978 all for $39.95 a month.

The burning question here is can you make money from all the "paid to click" or "paid to post" or "paid to take surveys" sites out there? The answer is: Potentially. Will you make hundreds of dollars a day? Probably not. What Jamz and I intend to do here is to see just how these programs work.

Will we become paid-to-click tycoons, smoking cigars and wearing monacles? Or will we fall victim to the scammers, cheats and liars that plague the Internet preying on the gullible and lazy? Will there be exciting fight scenes and white water rafting down mountains. Oh, for sure.